Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
