I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
