Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
