Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
