this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
