i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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