I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
