GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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