he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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