hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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