So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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