I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Life is so much better after having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
