you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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