dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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