these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
