She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
