mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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