We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
