Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Welp...herpes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
