You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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