We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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