let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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