I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
