Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
