I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
