The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
