Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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