This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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