My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize