Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
