So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
