remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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