There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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