omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize