One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
