I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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