Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
