the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
