Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
