I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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