I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
