Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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