Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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