I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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