Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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