Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
