whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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