sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
