even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
