Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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