eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
