I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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