Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
