the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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