WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
