Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
