Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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