3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
