i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
