I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
not ubering you a puppy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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