He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
