I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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