I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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