Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
