I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
