Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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