I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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