Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I love you.
Bad choice
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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