i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
